Migraine Attack

When i have a migraine, please leave me alone, in the dark for at least 5 hours.

It feels like a saber is slashing through the live wires in my brain and acid shoots out of the open wounds. Brain starts shutting down. First, vision blurs from right to left. Then my brain scrambles up. Words that come out “cold, pen, sky, blue” when what i meant to say is, “I’m having a migraine, please leave me alone.” Next, my motor skills. I try to speak but no words come out. And soon after, only pain. Intense, shooting, gripping, unrelenting. The worse was 10 hours long.

Aftermath, numbness.

Dazed disorientation. Light hurts. Sound hurts. Even thought, touch. Anything that sends signals and messages to your brain, anything that triggers a neuron to fire sends acid sparks coursing through already numbed and saber slashed veins. It’s always above the left temple for me. Deep piercing.

The next day, barren achy numbness where the massacre took place. But no more pain. Can stop praying for death.

We’re waking up

People have been guided by money for so long we lose perspective of how things really are. We lose perspective of what matters and what’s important in life. We forget ourselves, we fraught ourselves with challenges and worries, and we delay joy. We keep postponing enjoyment thinking we should work hard towards a better future. We put ourselves on hold. We put life on hold.

Money makes us sacrifice joy, family, our hearts calling. We push our emotions aside and use our heads to ground our physical selves with our physical needs and desires. Our pursuit of physical security, comforts and luxuries ties us down with commitments. Reality tells us we need to stay grounded and address these commitments. So, again, we work hard and sacrifice ourselves for money.

What of our hearts?

Those who follow emotion are seen as silly and frivolous. Those who believe there’s more to life then this are dreamy idealists who have their heads in the clouds.

But things are changing. More and more, people awaken. We’re waking up. We’ve worked ourselves. We’ve put ourselves under stress and pressure. We know what the pursuit of money does to us emotionally and physically.. and we don’t like it. We’re waking up.

Many of us are starting to realize, it’s not worth it. Many more of us realize, this is not what life is meant to be.

We’re waking up.

Energy

Everything around us is held together by a greater force. a life giving energy. Qi gong Masters practice feeling this energy and tapping into it. This energy guides everything. It holds our planet on its axis and moves us around the sun. It moves the waves and gives life to everything on earth. And it moves us too. We feel everything around us is at random, but it’s actually all moving in-sync within this divine energy. There is no coincidence. Everything is as it should be.

We have a higher level of awareness then rocks, plants, and animals. We have minds. And with our minds as transmitters, we vibrate out and connect with this energy. When we are in-sync with it, we feel at peace. We feel joy. We move in the direction we are supposed to – like a river flowing or earth spinning in the right direction. Everything is easy and in flow. When we are out of sync, when our thoughts and actions are not inline with nature/divine energy, we start feeling fear, pain, misery. So all we have to do, is to be in-sync with life. And to know we are in-sync, all we need, is to do things that make us feel at peace… at one with ourselves.

So it doesn’t matter if we’re going to die tomorrow. If we’re meant to, we’re meant to.

Plants grow only in size, but we need to grow physically and spiritually. The challenges that we face is actually life trying to make us grow spiritually. Once the lesson is learnt, we move on to something else.

We go along with the flow and if we are stuck, then we know that we are not moving along with the energy around us. The energy around us meaning the universe, sun, moon and different life forms on earth etc.

Its amazing how our energies heighten when we just simply let go. Let go, let live, and love. Sometimes, life gets a little tough, and we need to help remind each other and ourselves. Then we remember.. life isn’t tough, we’re just not flowing in the right direction with love/divine energy.

There is no such thing as coincidence.

“When we learned about the Law of Attraction, we learned that what we expect is what will happen. We attract those things that we give our energy to, regardless of whether they’re good or bad. And likewise, we repel the things that receive no energy from us at all. Using this concept, it stands to reason then that if our focus is on events that will take place forty years from now, there’s a good chance that we’ll still be living it up when those forty years roll around.”

“You’re probably starting to see things begin to take shape, small coincidences that you and I both know aren’t really coincidences at all but rather, a deliberate co-creation between you and the universe.”

“Its not the years in your life, it’s the life in your years that matter.”

Guru: There is no polarity. There is only one. Pain and pleasure do not exist. These only exist in the illusion of duality we call life. In the oneness there just IS. Anything that happens, it can be whatever you want it to be so we just say thank you and return to the singularity. Because then, we return to  gratitude. Gratitude = love, and singularity = love. Hence, there is only love.

Guru: When we see separation, we get separation. When we see perfection, we get perfection. We are ALWAYS right.

Guru: Living in singularity takes focus. We have to focus everytime we make a decision. Focus on perfection and abundance.

Guru: There is no where to go, nothing to do, and everything to be. so right now all is perfect and always will.

Guru: Gratitude = love, and we all connect through love and through the heart easily.

Guru: Gratitude, trust, desire leads to change. Change is powered by desire. But first, you have to trust. Trust allows you to fly and let go. Trust in life. Trust that life will give all you ask. That life has already given all that you have asked. To trust, fill your heart with love and gratitude. Remember. Remember that life has already given and will continue to give. Gratitude -> Trust -> Desire -> Joy. Life delivers all that you desire. Life has to deliver. Its a vibrational science. Energy particles of similar vibrations always come together. But remember, we live in a physical world, so movement if often needed. Often, we have to do little. Choose to do inline with our BEING. Think, breathe and act what you want. So in essence, you get what you want TODAY.

Guru: All we need to do is trust and let go and the river of life will carry us. The current is created by desire. And then if we do not trust the current we have created ourselves will feel like it is drowning us!!!! We have to let go and trust because once we let go the river will carry us. And as our desires grow the river grows and the current flows stronger and faster. That is why great masters take years to show their work. And yet they have been great masters from the very beginning.

Guru: We are all destined to get what we want and we are all destined for enlightenment.

Guru: When two energy bodies that are separated in different dimensions vibrate at the same frequency then they ‘communicate’ at the point of syncronisation. So that’s why vibration is the key that is why its the law of attraction in effect. The mind creates instantly but the delay into creation in matter is because the energy has to slow down and become ’solid’. To do this takes the ‘illusion’ of time to effect itself. In essence it happens at the same time. But we don’t perceive it this way. There is a time lag – while the ‘idea is in the toaster’ – so thats why we get burnt of 1/2 baked ideas being created when we mess with the process and don’t trust. So thats where the next key comes in. They key of allowance. Pop the toast in – press it down – trust it will work – walk away and come back when it pops up ‘ !!!

Guru: When you are in a sincere state of gratitude your energy (vibrational resonance) is one of acceptance and harmony. You resonate and as a result project a much higher vibrational frequency which is exactly what attracts to you the events, conditions, and circumstances that you desire. EVERYTHING unfolds in your life perfectly just as you instruct.

Evening Guru 2

Evening’s with my Guru…

From what i’ve read and heard from the gurus, its a choice – pain and suffering or joy and bliss is merely an outplay of our minds. We can choose eternal bliss if only we can choose to see correctly. The ‘SECRET’ is to ‘SEe CoRrEcTly”.

Our perceptions and beliefs draw in our reality. If you choose to see joy, then it is yours. If you choose to see suffering, then that is yours too. And what you choose to see and focus on expands. The more you focus on joy, the more that expands. And it will keep expanding until at one point, joy is all there is.

It’s tricky since we are born into a world who believes suffering is part of life. That’s why generation after generation, we still have suffering. Because we believe it is part of life. And remember, our life is an outplay of our minds – our beliefs and perceptions. So when we believe suffering is part of living, then suffering becomes part of our lives.

Guru: Do remember that you are here to enjoy life and that what you focus on grows and becomes your life. So if you focus on things that do not serve you then they grow in your life, like pain, misery and suffering. But if you focus on magic, caring, love, connection, and only look for those then these are what you will get more of. You will still be exposed to the challenges of the world but you become discerning with your focus and your energy about what to place your attention on.

Guru: In practical terms this will mean you will change many activities such as the food your eat, the things you read, the people you choose to share time with and so on. Your selective filtering of your experience will create the magic of your experience.

Guru: The next level of the game allows us to understand the why of everything and I have shared a lot about that with you — and yet where you are playing your game right now is in the world of suffering

Guru: Today I know you will feel better — this of course shows you that suffering is self created most of the time in your own mind

Guru: So if you want to experience life differently ONLY focus on what serves you and NEVER focus on what does not any more.

Guru: What serves you will make you feel good.

Guru: So stop focusing on what you do not have and focus on what you do have

Guru: Look at all the things you enjoy that you do have with everyone and everything around you.

Guru: See the magic

Guru: When I walk down the streets here and see the kids on the streets sleeping. I could focus on their environment and seeming poverty. Or I can focus on their smiles. If I focus on their seeming poverty I cry. If I focus on their smiles I smile. And then I smile first and they smile back and then all I see is how beautiful they are and deeply special

Guru: And I know in passing my day is enriched and so is theirs. Even by a little. And in that moment of connection we remember the love and caring that ALWAYS exists here and always will — we just need to remember.

Guru: One day you will know in the deepest part of your being what I share here as your greater reality … right now it is more or your lesser reality because you have not mastered the art of selecting your and filtering your reality. Once you master that or get better and better at it you will experience joy in the place that others only see darkness — and the day you die you will return your full consciousness to your total you and you will laugh and laugh and laugh at all the silly things you held in your mind while you experienced life here…

Guru: But you can have that experience today — but you have to move to the next level of the game for that.

Guru: For now the trick is filtering your reality. So if you no longer want pain and suffering watch what you eat. When you eat most animals you are eating pain and suffering at an energy level because of the way they have been kept and killed. Selective eating will stop you being part of the suffering circle at a cellular level from what you consume in drinks and food.

Guru: Never go crazy though … just be slective

Guru: That is all I can share with you at the moment … until you master some of the filtering more then you will continue to struggle. So why not start today.

Guru: If you find yourself focusing and thinking about things that do not SERVE you then change your focus right away and focus on what you want. And everry time you find yourself focusing on what does not server you switch

Guru: Switch

Guru: Switch

Guru: Switch and continue to switch

Guru: and within a week you will find your experience of life different

Guru: So no more dribbling thoughts about a silly situation and how you have been sucked in again.

Guru: See the beauty of the expeience and how good you feel when you feel the enerygy of love flowing through YOU

Guru: its YOUR love

Guru: Enjoy it

Guru: Its your feelings – enjoy them

Guru: Its not someone else creating the feelings for us

Guru: We have them

Guru: So enjoy them

Guru: and literally walk away or look away at experiences you do not want. This is not avoiding anything but filtering what you want. A consious person will discern at very fine levels the experience they want. Over time you will filter to a very fine level if you start practicing this today

Guru: So enjoy yourself and know I love and care for you

Guru: Blessings

Life

The world has been on destruction mode even before i was born. Change things? I am no messiah. Just another evolving soul trying to make sense of it all. And this soul learnt that we are all here to learn one thing – joy.

Knowing too much didn’t give me joy. I think i was 16 when i read that forests were torn down by the size of a football field a minute. With the speed of destruction only increasing with each passing year, doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure we’re knowingly killing ourselves. I understood why at that point, but i couldn’t accept it. As you can imagine, i was a pretty dark, depressed and frustrated kid.

How ridiculous everything seemed. Then i asked myself, what was it i really feared. Extinction? Pain? Death will come in the end anyway. We just hope for a peaceful way out. Is it that bad if the human race was wiped out? We live, we die. That’s life. Species evolve. Some fade out. That’s life. What is there to fear? Nothing.

Death made me sad – my young experience being my 2 year old cousin Jonathan and favourite Uncle Peter – but i never feared it. Fear of pain maybe, but there’s always an escape from pain. Suddenly, the idea of death became peaceful. No more struggle, no more worries. No frustration or anger.

I joined a Bank’s CSR team for about 4 months. They were hungry for political connections and awards – including CSR Awards. Needless to say, my enthusiasm faded with my energy levels. I resigned after being threatened to work late hours and weekends to show my commitment.

The More You Choose, The Richer Your Life Becomes.

Ever wonder why so many people fall into a rut? Because life isn’t meant to stand still. But when we create a life that simply repeats itself day after day, that’s exactly what we’ve done.

We’ve caused our life to stand still. Yes, time will still pass right on by, but we’re no longer moving with it. We’ll age of course, and we’ll have some surprises and bumps along the way but for the most part, each day is the same as the one before and the same as the one to follow.

And there’s your rut. When you fall into this kind of life, your Spirit gets a little antsy. It longs for new experiences. It desires to branch out and grow. Deny it this desire, and the result is depression. You’ve lost your lust for life and no longer find joy in the things you used to love.

And yet, we’re surprised that depression continues to rise in our society. We’re bewildered that so many anti-depressants are needed just to keep going. How could this be? What’s causing such an epidemic? The answer is simple: lack of experience.

I choose to live life simple. Each day is a day of new awareness. I choose to wake up and enjoy, savouring every moment, not worry or live in fear. I wake up to join the world and let myself fit in. A natural flow. I choose to excel without trying, to attract all things good and kind and loving and giving, to sail through life effortlessly. I choose a life filled with love and laughter and friends. I choose to keep anyone mean and who makes me mean or feel unhappy at bay. I choose sincerity, honesty, passion and compassion. I choose to be with positive energies. I choose a life that fills me with a sense of peaceful serenity and calm completeness. Everything is easy and fun. I choose a life of abundance and natural state of flow. Everything good and kind and loving is here. Everything falls into place. Wealth, peace, harmony, love and the abundance of all my positive hearts desires to flow in my direction and to every living creature I come across.

20 Feb 2008, 11am

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always wondered why we exist. Why I exist.

What is the purpose, the meaning to all of this. Why bother living at all. Why are we here?

I came to an answer, to have fun. To live life, to connect with everything around us, to feel all the pleasures that is humanly possible.

But why is it then that people find life a struggle. Hard work, old age, responsibilities and commitments. Robbery, rape, murder, drugs, famine and disease have become synonymous with life.

People work so hard and drag out the days and nights feeling tired and weakened.

In this past 6 months, I have come to understand that our number one enemy is fear. Fear of pain, suffering. Fear of death. Fear of loneliness and misery. Fear triggers insecurity in us and makes us do things that doesn’t make us happy. We try so hard to keep our self safe, we forget to make ourselves happy. And to make ourselves happy takes only the simple act of living a full life.

Ask yourself, are you happy with what you’re doing? If not, do something else. If you don’t know, try everything out and find out what you like and what you don’t. Its okay not to be perfect in everything. You don’t have to strive. You can challenge yourself if you feel like it, but at your comfort level. Not someone else’s. Meeting someone else’s standards could be like dunking a basketball when you’re 5 feet tall. You have only yourself to prove to. Play by your own rules, but never forget either, that you are part of a team. Be yourself, but integrate what you can offer into your team.

Know yourself

I like being outdoors. I like working with my hands. I like understanding about life and its purpose.

Details are elements you need to understand the bigger picture. Not a step by step rule book you have to understand to a T and follow.

Mechanise the routine essentials and release your mind to ponder life’s questions. Return to your roots and be at peace to obtain infinite wisdom and compassion.

Listen to your body and let it lead you to great health. Listen to your emotions and let it guide you to happy thoughts. Emotions act indicators to what makes you happy.

If physical ailments, emotions, thoughts come in an overwhelming bundle, step out from the line of fire and breathe. Slow it down. Gradually sort and figure out what you need to respond to, address, and understand.
One physical feel at a time. One emotion at a time. One thought at a time.
They are all potential lessons.

Never place yourself in the line of fire for too long. Never let fear of losing money or love keep you in that line of fire. If you feel pressured or in the heat of an emotional pile-up, stop. Rest. Let your body attune and understand what is going on. Let yourself heal in the process of being moulded and uplifted.

A physical body can take only so many hits,
An emotional heart feels what is happening intuitively

A thought leads to an outcome and your emotion feels pleasure or pain from the outcome. Your emotional state of mind is an indicator of your thoughts focus – happy focus or sad focus. If you’re happy, your focus brought you there. If you want to be happy again, repeat that focus/thought.

5 May 2008 – 8.32am

How do you see life different?

If you dread waking up in the morning, how can you shift your focus to long to wake up everyday?

A hot cuppa and your laptop?

A hike?

I need to roam – that is my nature.

I need open spaces – physical and in mind.

I cannot confine myself to an office or to standard practices. It is not me. I can not do superficial office chats.

I need real challenges that others cannot figure out.

I need long walks.

I need friends for deep life conversations.

I need a partner to share life with.

My life is complete because i have decided to be who I am. Not someone society depicts is the right person to be. Not what society deems normal and acceptable.

I am whole because i understand and acknowledge who i am.

I need family – loved ones.

Money.

A home.

Food, clothing, luxuries.

The things i need makes me whole. Even the little things. Without sleep, you are not whole. And when I’m not whole, something is missing. I’d have forgotten a part of me.

List down the things you need. The things that make you who you are. The things that make you whole. Then live it.

Live who you are.

Abundance

When you learn that wheat can be milled into flour, we all have flour.

Then I figure that flour can be turned into bread, and we all have bread.

A third of us has the epiphany to slice the bread, and we all have sliced bread.

A fourth of us figures toast bread would be an excellent idea, and suddenly, we all have toasters.

This is abundance. We lift each other up. No one person has contributed more then another. No one person deserves more monetary gain then the other. We are collective. We are one. A toaster would not have been invented if it were not for the one who started milling flour. And there’s no point competing in the milling and selling of flour. Support the miller, use his flour and invent something that lifts society up another level. Or assist the miller to improve on what he already knows. Share knowledge to improve the community as a whole.

Just as you feed your mouth with one hand and the whole body receives nourishment, or how your feet runs and takes your whole body up hills and over mountains – a community of people, when working as one, can lift the whole community body up. It doesn’t matter if it’s your right or left hand doing the feeding, or that your right leg is stronger and more effective then your left. There’s no you or I. Only us. The best we can do for us.

“As we appreciate the ever-increasing value of each person who makes up the Wholeness, we realize that each of us is far more valuable than any amount of money. As we become a society led by our open hearts, we will naturally create a system of mutual support and equality in which money flows freely, generously and in continuously expanding abundance.” – Arnold M. Patent, Money & Beyond

Eventually, as we realize the value of collective individuals and the essential roles they play as a whole, we won’t even need the monetary system. Valuing and paying someone more than another is like saying your brain is more important then your heart.

I’ve learnt that Profit is in direct conflict with Abundance.

Imagine if there were 10 times more diamonds then there is today. What would happen to its price? Drop. Profit goes down. In order to protect their profit, they have to ensure all things are valuable. They have to ensure scarcity. They have to cut costs where possible. They have to find the cheapest means to obtain the highest margins. At what risk?

This is the drama we’re caught in today. The illusion of wealth.

Everyone of us is supporting the profit system. We’re perpetuating this drama because we believe money is real. We’re perpetuating scarcity.

Illusion Life

When I realized life is what you make of it, I also realized life is an illusion.

Everything around you is only a platform for a play. Drama happens when people come together. The string of relationships and bonds makes this illusion seem so real. Our senses makes us feel that everything around us is real.

But the truth is, we create the things around us. We draw our relationships and experiences in. Hunger, love, rejection, anger, joy. Anything physical and emotional that we feel is real, is actually what our minds draw in.

Our minds make things happen.

It starts in your head. Your beliefs and thoughts make you react to external objects in a certain way and you act accordingly. When you act (and all of us are actors), you trigger a cause and effect. The physical effect touches your senses which you feel are real – reality. Physical reality.

The trick is to know what thoughts lead to what effects. Happy thoughts usually lead to happy effects. Think happy and you will react joyfully to the things around you. Think you’re trapped or struggling and you will react accordingly to the things you see.

As a kid, we take on our parents belief systems. Some may not serve us. To change or remove a belief is simply a matter of taking on a new and stronger view point and emotion. Something that gives you stronger conviction of what’s ‘real’.

If you suddenly realize that life is magic, that you don’t need to worry about tomorrow and your bank account, then there’s no more fear and concern left of sleeping on the streets and dying of hunger and thirst. Suddenly, you realize your physical needs will always be taken care of. Your approach in life will be different. Your thoughts and beliefs change. People will stop asking what you do for a living, because you don’t have to DO anything to live.

What your ancestors believed is no longer your belief.

You know now with fact that it is silly to pray to sun gods. You form new beliefs. There’s no fear of raising the wrath of the gods. Imagine a mind – its thoughts and beliefs – when it believed with conviction that if you don’t sacrifice a virgin every year, all your crops will die and everyone will starve to death. So what will you do to serve a greater good?

Now here’s the thing – what if suddenly, I realize that life is this silly game of minds? My physical needs are real. As long as I am a physical body, I need nourishment and shelter. But to obtain nourishment and shelter has gotten so complexed. The drama men play have hoarded all natural resources and knowledge. They have placed man-made price tags on everything. The only thing left untagged is the sun. Even the air we breathe – if you choose quality air – comes with a price.

I’ve learnt that Profit is in direct conflict with Abundance.

Imagine if there were 10 times more diamonds then there is today. What would happen to its price? Drop. Profit goes down. In order to protect their profit, they have to ensure all things are valuable. They have to ensure scarcity. They have to cut costs where possible. They have to find the cheapest means to obtain the highest margins. At what risk?

This is the drama we’re caught in today. The illusion of wealth.

Everyone of us is supporting the profit system. We’re perpetuating this drama because we believe money is real. We’re perpetuating scarcity.

Such strange illusions we weave.

The illusion I have in my head is what society will call a dream.. because only I believe its real.

Different Worlds

I was born into a world where we were told what was right and wrong, what should and should not be done. All our actions are dictated out in black and white – what is proper and improper.

Duality vs Oneness – My world teaches me duality.

We progress to school and strive to study hard in subjects our world says is important. Exams will tell us our position amongst our peers. Number one is the best position – the position that tells everyone you are the top achiever. Then you graduate from school and move on to the next stage – work. We are told there are thousands of applicants applying for the same one position. Only one will get it.

Competition vs Creation, Struggle and Scarcity vs Abundance – My world taught me to compete and work hard, that nothing comes easy.

Once you have a job, you learn the importance of working hard and achieving company goals for that promotion and bonus. We also learn that others are vying for the same position, and may not play fair to obtain it. Then we learn that once you have that position, others may still be vying it.

Envy and jealousy vs harmony and rapport.

Greed for power and material wealth vs sharing of abundance.

We learn limitation – that there are limited jobs, with limited positions and promotions.

Old World: Differentiation, competition, struggle, demand, desire.

Or

New World: Oneness, creation, peace, giving and sharing.

Imagine a world where you were born to bond with the world around you. World unification towards a common good – our common goal to improve our lives. No more differentiation and class structures. No more division by nations or political and religious beliefs. All one and all equal.

Instead of being told what was wrong or right, you are encouraged to seek the truth for yourself. You are guided to your wisdom.

Instead of being graded, you are taught to find your own strengths and harness and grow your individual skills and talents. You are guided to learn who you are and how to give your best to the world.

Instead of competing, you learn to create. You are given support to find your fit in society. Everyone welcomes you with open arms and helps you find the place where you belong. A support system that welcomes all young into the adult world – where graduation is when you find yourself and what you want to give for a living.

When everyone gives, everyone receives. The givers have to receive – it is a cycle.

A world that is limitless and loving and giving. A world not boxed by fixated beliefs, but open to new thoughts and ideas, new insights and wisdom. A world guided by compassion and love.

If only we understood that we are one, and that competing with or believing others are wrong is like competing and thinking wrong of ourselves – as we hold others back or put them down, we hold ourselves back . You may be the best, but you are only the best in the society bubble you’re in. Imagine if the whole of society stops competing and starts lifting itself up – a new world, a new civilization.

Since I was a kid I’ve dreamed of a mechanized world – a world of abundance where houses were built by machines, crops are automatically grown and there is more then enough of everything for everyone. A world where we are relieved from what we must do, to grow and develop ourselves to whom we can be – to give our best to everyone around us.

A friend shared a documentary with me titled Zeigeist. There’s this sense of peace that goes “At Last” when I see my thoughts and beliefs reflected on someone else. Almost feels like coming home, finally. I was reminded of the vision I had when I was a teen and the frustrations I felt at what this world is doing to itself. This documentary clip gave me hope. As I watched it, I kept thinking, what a lucky generation the future will be. I wish I can live it. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7065205277695921912

Destiny or Choice?

Is life pre-destined, or do we mould it by the choices we make?

Many of us western educated ones would like to believe we have control. We even make life into an absolute science.

When we reduce life to a science, its somehow easier to handle. Emotions are taken out and we can understand things with our heads. But are we missing something? Could placing things under microscope scrutiny narrow our vision from something bigger?

Is life cause and effect, or has the very cause we trigger been pre-determined?

At one point, I really wanted to believe we had control. That our minds are stronger then anything around us – but that also means my mind has never been strong enough to make anything happen. The effort of thought alone was starting to become a disappointing struggle. Then it dawned on me – I am a speckle of dust trying to control the sand dunes of Sahara.

Destiny. Do you believe in destiny?

If you do, there’s no more struggle.

Everything is just meant to be. Life, is flow.

Life is as it’s meant to be.

There is no struggle.

Nowhere to go,

nothing to do,

and everything to be.

It means,

I am meant to be here,

I am meant to be now,

this is my moment.

If I was meant to meet someone, it is already planned.

If I was meant to do something, I would already be doing it.

Typing on this keyboard, posting up thoughts over and over again – it is meant to be.

Walking into a job interview, getting the job, not getting the job – it was meant to be.

Bumping into certain people in your life, connecting well or not connecting at all – it is meant to be.

Everything happens because it is meant to be,

Everything is as it’s supposed to be.

This is destiny.

A bird was meant to fly. It doesn’t question.

I am meant to be here. Right here, right now. I am not supposed to question. Life knows where it’s taking me.

Acceptance is the first step.

There’s no trying.

There’s no struggle.

Just flow….

Being jobless, for some being without money; having loved ones worry about you and anchor you down, or not having anyone care or bother at all; it is all meant to be.

Accept. Release. You’re free.

It is all meant to be.

Your emotions, frustrations, reactions, downfalls, achievements, inner drive, lack of inner drive … all meant to be.

Accept. Be free. Flow.

This is destiny.

Just know.

Never Postpone Happiness

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt the past year, never short change yourself. You are entitled to so much joy in life. Every moment lived in fear are precious moments not lived in joy. Every moment not lived in joy and you’ve short changed yourself on life.

The past 3 weeks were amazing. On a sunny Sunday, I walked into a bustling bakery down the road with a friend and grabbed a wholemeal loaf. As i approached the cashier, spontaneously, a question popped out, “Do you have any jobs available?” Next thing I knew, 2 days after, I’m running around packing, collecting, labeling, and cashiering in one of the fastest moving bakeries in town. I have at least a dozen cuts on my hands. My back is aching. My legs feel like mush (getting used to staying on my feet and running around for 9 to 10 hours a day). Was paid a peanut and a dime, and had 20 minute lunches in a tiny storeroom corner sitting on cardboard boxes of supplies, but gosh was it fun. I felt alive! Should have done this long ago.

I fell sick last week (cough, fever, flu. sore throat – the whole cocktail) and my shoulders and back (and bones??) ached even further – had no time to recover. I still went to work. Didn’t want to miss even a day cause it was such fun.

My aches will recover. My flu and cough will go away. My cuts will disappear. And I will have memories of working with these amazing people serving what I love – good food to good people. Such joy.

Sad that it had to end yesterday. I have to look for a job that pays much better and has less strenuous hours. I knew i love food and the food service industry, but i didn’t know it could make me come so alive.

My colleagues were such hardworking and fun people. Very skilled and underpaid, but they are simple folk who didn’t look beyond to demand for more. They asked me why i had to leave. I told them i needed a higher pay. They asked me point blank and honestly how much i needed. I smiled and said, “6 times more.” And they went, “hahhh!!! really ah??” … errr, yarlor.

I wish i could have stayed, but i need to move on. JB? Europe? I know one thing for sure though – it has to be the food service industry. A bakery? A café?

I’ve never felt so free and happy. I’ve never had my bank account going backwards either, so I do know I need to get my life in gear. At least now I know, I’m gearing in the right direction – joy.

In the past 7 working years, I’ve met so many colleagues who felt trapped in their jobs. They want to move on – some to the point of depression – but they’ve imposed on themselves over the years with commitments and fears. Even as I was working in the bakery, a sweet malay (baker) girl came up to me to ask…

“Kak, kak pergi Johor yea?”

“Yea”

“Kat mana? Bila??”

“Minggu depan. Kat Taman Pelangi, JB.”

Her face fell.

“Seronoknyaaaa….I dari JB. I mau balik Kak.”

“Kenapa tak balik? JB takda kerja ke?”

“Ada. Tapi belajar kat sini.” (At the bakery from the Pastry Chef’s)

”Sampai bila?”

“Tahun depan. Bulan enam.”

“Tak lama lagi lah.”

“LAMA kak. Tak boleh tunggu. I mau balik.”

She looked so sad my heart ached.

“Kalau hati tak boleh tunggu, ambil cuti – seminggu ke, dua minggu ke – balik JB cari kerja. Kalau hati tak senang, kepala pun sakit.”

“Yea, yea, kak! Memang!! Tak henti henti pikir keluarga kat JB. Kat JB I gembira kak…”

English Translation:

“Big sis (sign of respect), are you headed to Johor?”

“Yes”

“Where? When??”

“Next week. At Taman Pelangi, JB.”

Her face fell.

“Wowww….I’m from JB. I want to go back Big Sis.”

“Why don’t you? Doesn’t JB have jobs for you?”

“There are. But i’m learning here.” (At the bakery from the Pastry Chef’s)

”For how long?”

“Till next year. 6th month (June).”

“That’s not too long.”

“It IS Big Sis. I can’t wait. I want to go home.”

She looked so sad my heart ached.

“If your heart can’t wait, take a vacation – a week, two weeks – return to JB and look for work. If your heart is unsettled, your head will start hurting too.”

“Yes it’s true!! I can’t stop thinking about my family in JB. In JB, i’m happy …..”