Direction: Positively Peaceful

“If you hold an anti-war rally, I shall not attend. But if you hold a Pro-Peace rally invite me.” – Mother Teresa

 

I haven’t yet met anyone who hasn’t at least heard of Mother Teresa.

 

I have, however, not had to explain anything whenever I mention her. Lights just come on in people’s eyes when they hear her name.

 

There’s just something about kindness and compassion that warms us past our hearts and right to our very core.

 

Did you see the essence of the message why Mother Teresa refused to attend anti-war rallies?

 

Before I heard that quote, I struggled to explain why I was against anti-depression classes, support forums for the weak and troubled, and yes, even charity donations.

 

Anti-depression class drowns you in further details and sharing of depression.

 

Forum of the weak for the weak form a support system so they don’t feel alone in their troubles, but is that the best way to address the issue?

 

Charity donations focus to acknowledge the handicapped and shouts out a need for help. Charity campaigns and donation drives paint pictures of disabled people, and embeds a belief that they are weak and needy, when the handicapped are just as able to give as a physically able person.

 

The mind doesn’t understand no.

 

Tell it not to think of the keys in your hand, and yes, you automatically focus on the keys in your hand.

 

I slipped up recently and casually said to a friend who was carrying quite a few things,

 

“Be careful. Don’t trip.”

 

He whipped around and stared at me,

 

“What did you just say?!”

 

“Ooops”, I smiled sheepishly.

 

“Sorry. Forgot. It doesn’t work that way.”

 

Then grinned and said,

 

“Walk safe! Be healthy!” =)

 

Our minds move towards the things we focus on.

 

Keep telling yourself to stay away, and somehow, it keeps coming back to haunt you.   

 

Another friend asked me yesterday night,

 

“What is the best form of self defence?”

 

He asked me to sleep on it and I did.

 

Here’s the answer I found …

 

The best form of any defence is not having any reason to have any form of defence. The fact that you need self defence gives in to the fact that you may be attacked in some way. I’m not denying the usefulness of martial arts and weaponry or even a pepper spray in your purse, but the idea of having to be on alert and defend yourself means you are unable to trust and there’s a load of evil you need to prepare yourself to fight against.

 

I’d rather live free.

 

I’ll have no form of defence.

 

If I am struck down by the blade of a murderer, or shot by the rifle of a robber, then this is no world I want to live in. The murderer and robber have done me an unspeakable favour by letting me leave a place of violence.

 

If I’m unable to leave from the act of violence, I will simply have to choose to live with a renewed purpose and meaning. But I will still choose to live free.

 

Murderers and robbers are but messengers of what we as a society have done to ourselves.

 

I won’t live with walls around me. I’ll have no defence.

 

I will however break down walls and surround myself with friends and people I love and trust.

 

I Am Hopeless

A family friend revealed that my dad had been going around labeling me hopeless.

His exact words, “Your dad may think you’re hopeless but I think I have your problem solved at least 49%”.

I wasn’t too sure about the solution he recommended, but what resonated were his first six words, “Your dad may think you’re hopeless”.

From daddy’s girl to the hopeless black sheep in the family. How does one come to that?

I could have kicked and screamed inside with indignation, but what hit me instead was the fact that my dad was right.

Everyone is entitled to their points of view, and he had one which was valid from his point of view.

I am:

1. Jobless – despite the fact that I am physically able and have a degree to back me up.

2. Lost – without a clear focus or direction on where I am headed. I pretty much appear to have my head in the clouds at this stage of my life.

3. Living with Parents – I should be able to afford myself by now, but its been a struggle just keeping up with the lifestyle I’d like to have and the inflation rates. (Did you notice the price of flour hiked up over 60% from RM1.60 to RM2.60??)

4. Single and 27 – no grandkids in the midst for him to dote on.

Yes, he did have a point.

Again, everyone has their point of view.

Fortunately for my sanity, his point of view wasn’t mine.

Here’s the reason why I’m sharing this story …

I remembered something over the weekend while sharing some priceless moments with a bunch of really dynamic and outspoken kids.

This may sound too idiotically simple, but bear with me please.

Do you realize how badly you can affect a child?

One simple remark, one light gesture and they absorb like sponges.

You may not even realize at that point, but they are observing and noticing everything around them, including you. They are learning to explore and savour all their senses – sound, sight, taste, touch, smell. They have everything on alert. Everything is new and fresh to them.

It is a world of pretty delicate butterflies and active bouncy bunnies.

It is a world of seemingly elusive but real rainbows that they see in skies, and imaginary unicorns they see in books.

And yes, it is also a world of adults with secretively whispered words and shouts of anger and rage.

They absorb everything.

Every positive and negative element is embedded into them at their tender years.

Every snide remark thrown or words of doubt.

Why are you so lazy?

You’re so clumsy! Why can’t you be more like your sister.

You’re so stupid!

Or in my case, hopeless? =)

My point is this. There may be things in your childhood that has affected you without you realizing it.

My mom was slow and stupid (but I beg to differ, with evidence =)), hence now, she is a woman who doubts her judgment. Almost all decisions are made by her husband – right down to what to eat for dinner every night.

My dad is grumpy, angry, old and negative. And that I find to be true. But what I also found out, is that there is a reason he is this way. It stems from issues from tender years – lack of love and support from the ones he needed from the most.

And how does this affect the next generation?

If not addressed, imagine these two individuals, carrying the burden and scars from childhood onto their children. One with deep self doubt, and another with rage from a world that wasn’t just.

Children absorb like sponges. How do you think their children would be like living under the care of people who have childhood issues themselves?

A vicious cycle?

Perhaps.

And how do we play a role in all this?

Simple.

Are you caught in such a cycle?

Do you promise yourself never to be like your parents and end up, yes, just like them?

Very simply, you can put a stop to all this nonsense.

Imagine if I believed what my dad said. I am hopeless. I’ll likely spiral into depression and believe I have no use and purpose in this world. If my own dad believed it, it must be true. Our parents know us best after all. If I believe that, where will such thoughts lead me? Probably into another vicious cycle that will whirlwind into yet something big?

It starts and stops with you.

The people closest to you have the strongest effect on your emotions.

Choose the people who affect you wisely.

I have in recent months met so many amazing individuals with such positive outlooks in life. They have gone through thick and thin and have come out that much stronger. They reminded me that there is so much more to life – that we can do so much and give so much more.

I resigned on August 9^th 2007.

According to my dad, that was the worst thing I’ve done. I’m now hopeless.

For me, that was the best thing I’ve ever done in my 27 years.

Post Script: 21^st Dec 2007

My dearest friends,

Thank you for the overwhelming response.

Please, do not latch on to the story of me and my dad – it is but a tale. But rather, latch on to the lesson I’ve learnt. Be sensitive and take heed of the needs of your child, your children, and the children around you. The nurturing you invest in them now will form their future and a huge part of you.

Lots of love,

Trina

Life Changing Turning Points

Most of our lives we’ve been told what was right or wrong – what to say, what to do, and even how to think.

 

Then along comes this little bird (sometimes with a loud speaker or a sledge hammer) that starts asking …

 

What am I doing here?

 

Why am I doing what I am doing?

 

What is my real reason for being?

 

Why am I so unhappy?

 

or even simply…

 

Why me?

 

Many people at one point reach a crossroad or turning point in their lives. As Yvonne Foong said, sometimes it takes a disease, and sometimes all it takes is a knock on the head to wake us up.

 

But let’s not wait for tragedy to have our life unfold shall we?

 

Let’s instead, use a little imagination and have some fun fast forwarding our growth.

 

If you die tomorrow, what will you be doing now?

 

The answer to that could be a huge difference between what you should do and what you want to do.

 

What you want and can do gives you freedom of choice.

 

What you should do just gives you anxiety attacks and stomach ulcers.

 

We often fall victim to our ‘should-do’ list(s).

 

Making a change appears hard. You have to go through a whole new learning cycle. Once again you start afresh with a future unknown.

 

What about the risks?

 

What if you fail?

 

Your outlook, attitude, thoughts, actions, and possibly even your friends and loved ones will change.

 

You will make mistakes. Your hidden weaknesses and strengths will emerge. You will need to learn defeat and accept failure while you seek to find self and success. You will need to learn to be honest with yourself and to ask for help.

 

It is a whole process of change that leads you into a new life. You may fail, look utterly stupid, get hurt and hurt others in this process. You may appear to lose everything – your job, friends and family. You may feel illogically guilty, scared, and/or alone.

 

Fear can lock us into a corner or surge us into action. Unreal, unfounded fear creates phobia and unhealthy habits. Real, healthy, factual fear, however, helps us plan in advance to avoid pitfalls and hardship that may slow us down. Use fear to your advantage.

 

You may live with uncertainty for a while, but it is all in preparation for a new direction in life.

 

You may need to confront some demons within yourself or even those within loved ones. The fears that have been holding you back all this while may emerge that much stronger to pull you back once again. External voices and opinions of others might start putting doubts in your head. These are tests to see how serious and sure you really are about your goals.

 

The truth is, before having the fun you seek, there’s preparation to be made.

 

First, you need to spring clean and air out your life. The cleaner your path, the fresher your new beginning. Too many of us are not willing to take the effort to clear out what holds us back. Some fear loosing what we have in storage, not realizing that it is this very baggage that weighs us down both emotionally and physically. We subconsciously block our own paths by raising mental barriers of why it cannot be done. We give in to the noises in our heads and from external parties and doubt ourselves because it is easier then challenging them.

 

If the idea of change scares you too much, don’t throw it out just yet. Incubate it. Place it on a shelf. File it away. It may illuminate again one day, and you may be that much stronger to take on that new challenge.

 

Turning points are action points that push us forward. Embracing them means change. It can be both scary and exciting. It rushes the blood of risk-takers and connects them to others. It brings the low risk takers out of their cocoons to act and create.

 

Healthy, growing and successful individuals have all sorts of people in their lives. They understand that one point of view is but a flat screen. Two adds on a little dimension. Now imagine, 10, 100, 1000 or a million points of views. A view so holistic and whole that you’re filled with the fullest image life can bring.

 

Friends and perceived enemies give us new perspective. With a broader perspective, we find a more balanced view. With a balanced view, light and clarity sets in, and we start to understand why things are. When we start to understand, we gain the knowledge and wisdom to help ourselves and others succeed.

 

Money & Power

Many I’ve met believe money to be something evil – that you have to sacrifice a certain degree of yourself for a large sum of money.

 

A friend helped me remember that money is but a tool or weapon. It is only evil if you use it for such. It is evil if you let it make you evil.

 

Money is not about sacrifice or giving up your values. It is about understanding energy and flow of how everything works. There is an energy and dynamism about wealth that some have learnt to tap into and master. Not everyone who is rich is corrupt and you do not have to be corrupt to be rich. You do not have to back-stab or fight and compete with your friends and colleagues.

 

Learn to create. The art of wealth is not in competition, but in creation.

 

Why compete for a pie when you can make more?

 

Why make only pies when there’s a whole range of baked delicacies to discover?

 

There are a multitude means to generate energy & create flow for wealth & money. Wealth is only limited by your mind & creativity.

 

Money is so powerful an energized tool, it can bring out the best or worst in you. Just like any other tool or weapon, you can choose to destroy or create, to harm or protect. You can choose to make money your enemy or your ally.

 

Just before the conversation on Africa that inspired the article ‘A Flavour of Famine’, my globe trotter friend and I chatted about just this topic – money.

 

Him

 

“I still think money is the key to everything…

 

esp when it comes to charity/research.”

 

Me

 

“agreed”

 

“money is a very powerful tool”

 

”i mean you and me work our entire lives out 5 times over, but will hardly make an impact on anything”

 

”y not?”

 

“what i mean as individuals….eg: volunteering your time”

 

“but in the extreme case of bill gates, he has poured so much money into charities/research …..”

 

“and that at least gets things moving…”

 

“so maybe work hard, and let yr money do the work”

 

“yeah .. i think thats more effective then what NGOs do”

 

”NGO’s happen because of contributions..”

 

“NGOs depend on ppl like Bill Gates”

 

“so, do u plan to be rich?”

 

“erm, I want to….but i don’t think it will happen as a wage-earner”

 

“any other means then?”

 

“business/lottery, unknown dead relative”

 

“hunting for a dying millionaire uncle?“

 

“yeah so far its been futile”

 

“heir to a china estate”

 

“dont you wnat money too?”

 

“of course”

 

“loads of it”

 

“so much i don’t knw what to do with”

 

“ok….”

 

“but for what main reason…love/power/security or freedom?”

 

“u mean purpose of money?”

 

“i want money to spread love”

 

“and peace”

 

“the world disturbs me”

 

“i want to change it”

 

“apparently it is said that humans’ motivation for money falls into that 4 basic categories”

 

“well, love i guess”

 

“love means wanting people to like you”

 

“hardly”

 

“i’m nvr bothered with ppl liking me”

 

“i just get angry and frustrated when i see ppl suffer”

 

“its so unnecessary”

 

“not me…i get angry when animals suffer”

 

“yes … thats even worse!!”

 

“animals r so innocent!!”

 

“ok well basically the theory is that most people would say either Freedom or Security…..but the theory  of unconscious motivation seems to suggest that most people want money for love or power”

 

“love n power”

 

“mks sense”

 

“yup..apparently there’s a test to determine that….and most people fall into love and power when they would say otherwise”

 

“to get love or power?”

 

“yup…”

 

“meaning to say those that say they want money  for security or freedom, r more likely to fall into the other 2 categories”

 

“well, where do i lie? .. if its to get away from anger and frustration?”

 

“dont know..what is the 1st thing you’d do when you have lots of money”

 

“and do not sugar coat it and say ‘give a chuck to cancer research’.”

 

“depends on what crops up which gets me angry”

 

“becos we all know money is mostly for selfish purposes”

 

“yes .. “

 

“i’m glad i found someone who agrees”

 

“i got a huge badgering when i said that”

 

“badger them back..throw them a raccoon”

 

“and where am i gonna find a raccoon?”

 

“a stuffed one”

 

 “i’m glad you’re not gonna hurl some poor animal”

 

“yup that’s me”

 

“anyways … to answer yr q”

 

“lets say if i see that bunch of stick thin african kids”

 

“i might just build an estate there”

 

“fund a kids shelter”

 

“teach them how to survive”

 

“get them to teach others”

 

“ok ok…so maybe you are one of the rare ones who takes care of other before themselves”

 

“well, i guess i’m still taking care of myself .. i dun wanna feel angry”

 

”you;re telling me the moment you have this bunch of money in yr account, you’re doing the africa thing?”

 

“i hv a feeling thats the 1st thing i’ll do”